If you ask it of me i will give you my... ¬_¬ (f_baggins) wrote in insane_lotr_rpg,
If you ask it of me i will give you my... ¬_¬

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Out Of Character

Merry and I have been incredible bored this past couple of days, and we found a new distraction. Making fun of stupid bad fics from adultfanfiction.net
Nothing personal here, we were just that bored.
As a result i wrote this mini fic. as parody of bad fics.

"I can always blame the Ale"

Pairings: a Hobbit pile, Gandalf somewhere in the middle.
Rating: Of course, Mature ..
Summary: Frodo finds out one morning that somehow he turned into a lass, merry, Pippin, Sam... and Gandalf are thrilled about it. Don't ask, better read heh.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, Tolkien does, forgive me Master Tolkien i meant no harm *points community user info* I am not a fic writter and i am not planning to jump into the fic scene in fact english is not even my first language so forgive my typos and bad grammar, i just wrote this in order to have fun with my friend and we thought that perhaps you might find it funny (thing i am hoping because you guys are as insane or more than me) I wrote this in a messenger chat window and then copied, pasted and edited it in a document. Its just me and my particular sense of humor, you have been warned.

Frodo woke up that morning, his head was spinning, couldn't remember anything from last night, the last thing he remembered was he drank and drank till he passed out on the table, he scratched his butt and went to the bathroom. He was about to take a leak when he suddenly found out he didn't have what all males are supposed to have
he screamed in confusion and terror “WHY YOU.. WHERE IS MY PENIIIISSS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" and collapsed to the floor.

Later that day..
"Mr. Frodo, don't worry about it, am sure Gandalf will help you with this strange disease you will see" Sam said, patting Frodo's back, trying to focus in the fact he was still Mr. Frodo and ignoring the fact Frodo had breasts now, a pair of big firm breasts pressing against Sam's chest.
Frodo sobbed and whimpered "Oh Sam!" he squeaked with his girly voice "what happened?"
Sam gulped and cleared his throat, Mr. Frodo was in fact a really fine lass, with round luscious breasts, a narrow waist, and a cute little round bottom, he was trying to hide the fact he was becoming aroused "Mr.. Ms Ehh Frodo.."(How the heck I should call ye know) Sam thought to himself, i think it is better if ye sit and calm down, please"
Suddenly a pair of rascals, Merry and Pippin of course arrived by surprise.. "Hullo Sam, oh we didn't knew you had company, and in Frodo's kitchen! I wonder what he would have to say about it!" Merry pointed out with a mischievous smile and wiggling his eyebrows, and he gave his apple another bite, Pippin just laughed and he said "Oh are those mushrooms?" and pointed a bunch of delicious mushrooms that were decorating the table.
"Shut up you two!" Frodo cried "Its me Frodo! I turned into a lass somehow! “And don't you dare to make fun of this. i am suffering so much!* Frodo screamed and popped his breasts so they can see.
Then he (she?) started to bawl against Sam's chest again.. Sam was just merely staring at the ceiling and ignoring the fact that Frodo's body was feeling so fine against his own..

A couple of days passed by and Bag End was turning into a hormone river..
Merry, Pippin and Sam were constantly fighting to get the attention of the delicious lass that was Frodo Baggins, Frodo of course was starting to like the attention, he thought to himself "Oh well… What the heck! Perhaps i will never go back to my normal self again, and I have always liked the lads better than the lasses anyway” He fluffed his hair and put some make up on.

Two more days passed and suddenly Frodo woke up in the middle of three naked hobbit lads, Merry, Pippin and Sam "What theee.. Oh I bet I was really drunk last night" he thought to himself, and then he lighten up a ciggie and started to smoke enjoying the moment, Sam was just staring at the ceiling with eyes wide open and thinking "Did I just touched Pippin's butt? Or it was Merry’s???"
Pippin was just cuddling and snuggling against Merry's back and smiling, and Merry was grinning and staring at Frodo's bared breasts with, mischievous naughty eyes. Suddenly they heard a knock on the door. Pippin just jumped out the bed and yelled "I DIDN'T DO IT!"
"You're just a bunch of idiots!" Frodo screamed rolled his eyes and continued smoking suddenly annoyed perhaps he was PMSing; Sam jumped out the bed, dressed up and opened the door as fast as he could.
Gandalf was there, smiling and chuckling he already knew what was about by Sam's letter "Dear Samwise!" he said "Where's Frodo lass?" he asked with an amused tone.
Sam said "Mr. Gandalf Sir, eehh i believe he-she is in her room! Please come in"
Gandalf entered, and went straight to Frodo's bedroom, Merry and Pippin jumped by the window and ran to the main door in order to get back to the smial while Frodo got dressed as fast as he could
"Gandalf! Such a relief to see you here! I need help as you obviously can see!" Frodo said. And pointed his breasts. Gandalf with eyes as saucers said "Oohh i really really can see" and cleared his throat and played with his beard.. "This is more serious I thought I was" he said.. Eyes full with lust, then he locked the door.
Merry, Pippin and Sam were just sitting at the kitchen and drinking some tea wondering what they were doing, several hours passed and Gandalf entered to the kitchen, adjusting his clothes and hair.. "I am afraid i couldn't help Frodo the way he i was supposed to help him, but i help him nonenteless!" he exclamed with joy and started to smoke.
Frodo entered to the kitchen as well, with a surprised face and said "Oh ..why.. oh my.. that was sooooo..." and fainted. Sam jumped from his seat and yelled "MISSUS..ER MISTER FRODO! OH NO!" and started to fan Frodo with his hand. Merry and Pippin were just staring the whole scene with confused faces and Gandalf just smiled and smoked his pipe with contentment.
The next day, Frodo woke up by the fact he was getting a hard on, thanks to an interesting dream he was having, HE WAS A LAD AGAIN!
"Oh.. i am back to my normal self again! W000H00" he yelled, did a jig on his bed, then ran to the bathroom and gave himself self pleasure with the whole happiness in the world.
After finishing his important business Frodo went to the kitchen, Merry, Frodo and Sam were already there having breakfast and pretending (but Merry) that nobody enjoyed what happened the other day, he sat with them and started to eat breakfast, then he said “Apparently Gandalf helped me out the way he was supposed to do without noticing! Now I need to tell him to give me a potion to forget about what happened days ago!" and he shrugged.
Pippin said "What happened days ago? I already forgot! MUSHROOMS!" laughed and continued eating, Merry just simply regret to himself the fact that Frodo was a lad again because as a lass he was a hottie and he wanted to bed her again. Sam was happy to see Mr. Frodo was back and started to cry of happiness.
Frodo just stared at the three hobbits and smiled then said "No matter what happened, its in the past now! We must celebrate i am back to my old self again. DRINKS ARE ON ME TONIGHT LADS"

Then he thought to himself "Oh whatever, i will end up really drunk and sleeping with the three at the same time anyway" raised an eyebrow in a naughty mysterious way, licked his lips and continued drinking his milk.

"i can always blame the ale"

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